Time For Generativity
I’m NOT selling something that I’ve got.
Coaching is about what you need and what you’ve got.
Giving Your Gifts
It is also about what your community needs and what you can give.
Becoming
And more than that, what you might become as you do so.
How It Works: Positive Psychology And Coaching.
The distinguished field of Positive Psychology And Coaching has been established at the intersection of the scientific study of goal-setting and the scientific exploration of happiness.
Individuals seek this service because they desire the unique style of coaching that we provide. This includes personal growth, life transformation resulting from coaching, and an emphasis on positive psychology. We aim to achieve substantial progress in their respective outcomes.
Positive Psychology And Coaching.
In the vast realm of personal development, where countless self-help books promise transformation and happiness, a fascinating niche exists at the crossroads of goal-setting and the science of happiness. Positive psychology and coaching converge in this captivating space, offering individuals a unique opportunity to unlock their potential and achieve profound personal growth. Welcome to the world of Positive Psychology And Coaching.
People from all walks of life find their way to growth-supporting learning relationships, seeking guidance and support through some form of coaching. They yearn for a deeper understanding of themselves, a desire to tap into their inner reservoirs of strength and resilience. As they embark on this transformative journey, they discover that positive psychology provides them with invaluable tools to gracefully navigate life’s twists and turns.
The beauty lies not only in the outcome but also in the process itself. Through face-to-face or over-the-phone conversations, individuals reveal layers within themselves that they may have never explored. There is an inherent comfort in sharing one’s deepest longings and aspirations without distractions or pretenses.
A seasoned coach would be able to read between the lines – not just deciphering words but also unraveling unspoken emotions hidden within silence itself. It’s as if one can hear beyond mere conversation; one can perceive nuances in tone and detect subtle shifts in energy with every breath. The power lies not only in what is said but also in what remains unsaid.
Imagine watching an episode of Charlie Brown where all adults’ voices merge into an incomprehensible “wah-wah.” Yet even amidst this linguistic chaos, one can discern the underlying energy behind each voice – its essence untainted by jumbled words. Similarly, people can learn to discern these energetic cues beneath spoken language.
Through positive psychology coaching, we delve deep into exploring individual strengths and values while reframing challenges as opportunities for growth. Together, we embark on a journey of self-discovery, uncovering the intricate tapestry of their lives and weaving a new narrative that celebrates their authentic selves.
One of the most remarkable aspects of this coaching approach is its emphasis on progress outcomes. We don’t simply focus on setting goals; we strive to ensure tangible and meaningful progress in every step taken. Through carefully curated exercises and interventions grounded in positive psychology research, individuals experience transformative shifts that ripple across all aspects of their lives.
In coaching, witnessing stories of triumph and resilience is not rare. Clients have emerged from the depths of stuckness to soar to new heights they once deemed unattainable. They have discovered newfound purpose, reignited passions long forgotten, and unlocked reserves of strength they never knew existed.
As you embark on this extraordinary exploration into positive psychology and coaching, we will unravel the mysteries within ourselves and uncover the keys to unlocking our true potential.
Discover how positive psychology can illuminate your path toward personal growth and well-being. Brace yourself for a journey of insights, exercises, and anecdotes that will empower you to create a life imbued with joy, fulfillment, and lasting happiness.
Welcome to Positive Psychology And Coaching – where transformation becomes a reality.
How does one maintain engagement, even engage in a state of flow?
We can consciously remove our attention from the computer and prohibit any external distractions from invading our focus, fully concentrating on the task at hand.
There may be elements within your environment that you can alter to make it more favorable for this purpose.
Who do you usually work with?
Coaches work with people who want to change their lives. They want to escape boredom, show bravery and courage, and take on hard tasks. These are people ready to step out of their comfort zones.
Our goal is usually to complete a specific task. The coach’s job is to help people tackle problems, find their strengths, and inspire hope.
We focus on promoting excellence in our clients’ lives.
If I wanted to be coached by you, what would happen?
The first thing your coach would ask you is what you want more of in your life, what you want less of, and what you are willing to do to change.
There are various ways to ask, and it’s not a standard pattern.
Sometimes, it starts with, “What would be the best possible outcome of our work together?”
Or, “What can you get from coaching that you haven’t gotten from other self-help programs you’ve used, whether it’s 12 Step or therapy or another coach?”
Sometimes, people have tried other coaches and have not had a fit.
A coach would want to know what you want to get done and what you think is missing in your life that if you partner with them, you’re going to get closer at or get there.
What would happen before the first session? What does a coaching engagement look like? What happens when you meet them for the first time?
Most coaches offer a complimentary session where people ask questions, and the coach interviews them, too.
These people, these men and women, from 27 to 87, are willing to take more risks. And they know that coaching will help them be accountable for taking those risks.
People want to make a change, so they reach out to a coach. Usually, it starts with a telephone call and a half-hour conversation about what they are looking for. I tell them what I can offer, and if it is something that appeals to them, we can set a date for a more detailed conversation, which is sometimes called a strategy session.
Then, at that set date, we inquire into their goals, what they want to accomplish at the end of this, where they want to go, what they might need along the way, how they will know that the coaching was successful, so that creates an initial orientation for the engagement.
In that meeting, we also talk about the logistics and how it would be structured. Generally, coaching sessions last an hour; sometimes, they can be an hour and a half or two hours. They are usually every other week, but initially, it may be every week, and later on, they may be spread to once a month or every other month. So, logistics is very much dependent on the needs and the situation of the client, and we adapt to that as we go.
We plan a day and time for the sessions, set the date for the first one, and go from there. There will be some “homework” before the first session, such as an initial inquiry into the client’s goals, vision, and strengths and some reading that will orient them to engage fully in the process.
What happens in the first session?
We set down specifically what they want to achieve.
As the client starts to tell their story, they will gradually reveal their mental habits, and they might be inclined to talk about all the negative things going on and the problems they face. The first few sessions serve as an exercise to reframe what the client sees as negative and what they don’t want into more positive and approach-oriented goals, visions, and intentions.
Appreciative inquiry and questions help the client to start thinking differently, to turn their focus to what they need and want, what they can do to achieve what they want, what resources they have available for such a pursuit, and what they are willing to change and put the effort in to succeed.
So, coaching within the positive framework does not discard the negatives because protecting vulnerabilities is a major part of resilience, and negative aspects of yourself and your environment can surely be destructive and derail your life. Rather, the focus is on strengths, capacities, values, and resources one can marshal and build on for a flourishing life.
What happens between the first and the second session?
In the first or second session, we talk about their strengths. I might suggest they go and use one or two of their strengths between sessions and come back and report how that worked.
We look at the use of their strengths in different life areas. They completed the Strengths Profile or the Values in Action Character Strengths Survey. So, we talk about “How do you use your strengths on a daily basis, and where do you use them?”
Research tells us that if people are not using their top five strengths, there will be emotional difficulties and difficulty leading a satisfying life.
We prepare a simple matrix across all the life areas they want to honor and value, and we look at how satisfied they are in their life. They rate each life area from one to ten. Questions such as, “How much effort and energy do you put into each of those areas?” and “How satisfied are you with that area of your life?” and “Which of your top five strengths are you using in each life area, and how often?”
Such a picture of their life provides much to reflect on and design experiments and practices around. For example, in areas high in effort and energy, how does that compare to satisfaction and strengths use? Where can you introduce some of your strengths, and are there areas you are overusing a strength?
The focus for such inquiries is always appreciative. What works already well? Where are you successful and satisfied? What are the strengths, capacities, and resources you are using there that you might want to bring in for this other area of your life you want to make positive changes?
Such an inquiry and the use of a “Life Domains Satisfaction Rating” we might use in our second session, and then do some follow-up and repeat in later sessions also.
What do people gain from such tools? How do these tools help people change?
Mostly, these tools provide a language for positive storytelling. They make you articulate what is right about you, what motivates you intrinsically, what you are aiming for, and what you want to do next. These tools and techniques enable and empower you to speak positively and confidently about what you want, what you can do, what you can offer, what you are willing to give, and what you are building. Basically, you are articulating a positive vision for the world and inviting others to do the same.
First, know your strengths, and then use your strengths to develop them even more and integrate them into your life; finally, intentionally give your strengths to endeavors that are meaningful and valuable to you; that is a pathway to an engaged and meaningful life that will, hopefully, build your positive relationships and also result in accomplishment and wellbeing.
A typical example of a coaching engagement: How it starts, the first session, and beyond.
In coaching, every engagement is a unique voyage into the depths of human potential. As coaches, we can witness countless individuals embark on this transformative journey. Here is a typical example of a coaching engagement that exemplifies the power and efficacy of this process.
Picture this: You might be seeking to refine your ability to set goals and approach a coach with an earnest desire for change. In our initial conversation, I would pose a simple yet profound question: Where do you envision yourself in three months?
The reasoning behind this query is twofold. Firstly, it assures that commitment to the coaching process would not waver at its nascent stage. For too long, people have found solace in merely discussing their aspirations without taking any tangible steps toward realizing them. This three-month commitment signifies a dedication to action and growth, encouraging clients to move beyond their comfort zones and embrace new perspectives.
Secondly, I want to emphasize that personal and professional ambitions are inherently intertwined; they cannot be neatly compartmentalized. Our lives are interwoven tapestries where each thread influences the whole fabric.
In delving deeper into our client’s desires for professional advancement, we would necessarily discover untapped concerns regarding their family dynamics. Without meticulous planning or contrivance, these personal intricacies effortlessly would become integral facets of our coaching engagement.
During sessions together, your coach would reflect back on what they hear you thinking and challenge you to take decisive action. In those sacred moments—an hour every two weeks—you can find respite from the ceaseless demands of corporate life. Here lies an opportunity for introspection amidst the chaos—a chance to ponder what truly matters and chart a course toward self-fulfillment. If eagerly embraced, the assignments and the fieldwork could become stepping stones on your path to growth.
Committing to the coaching process for a period as short as three months or as long as a year yields remarkable results. With newfound tools, unwavering encouragement, and a renewed sense of hope, individuals are empowered to tackle various aspects of their lives.
This tale, among countless others, illustrates the power of positive psychology and coaching. Each engagement is an odyssey filled with triumphs and epiphanies, where individuals shed their limitations and embrace their true potential. Coaching provides a sacred space—a refuge where aspirations are nurtured and dreams take flight.
How long do people need to commit, and how often would you meet?
People have to commit for at least three months.
The most common form of coaching is every other week, but it could be every week or even twice a week. That’s people who front load. They want to invest a lot of money and time early on in working on themselves and their goals. In such situations, often there’s an entrenched problem of social contagion where they are either working in a non-supportive company or environment or could be a family that’s very resistant to them getting the things they want.
So sometimes they have to have that early on, lots of coaching experience to get traction. Sometimes, you have to work harder in the beginning to get the ball rolling.
Between calls tend to be assignments. The norm is that assignments are given to the client to deepen their knowledge or takeaways based on what they want to learn or experience.
Sometimes, we might introduce a concept into the conversation, but it’s never forced; it’s a natural organic flow. So, if it feels relevant, a coach might bring it up.
Some clients are learners; they are curious. They want to know how to apply it. That’s the name of the game. Research is important, but what do you do with it? And how do you apply it so people can take advantage of what’s being done in the research?
Do you use positive psychology assessments?
In a world where self-discovery and personal growth have become paramount, using assessments has emerged as a guiding light for individuals seeking to uncover their true potential. As an author and advocate of positive psychology, I am no stranger to the transformative power that assessments hold. I wholeheartedly embrace their ability to shed light on our core values and strengths, igniting the fire to conquer our deepest desires within us.
Two Strength Profile assessments that have captured the hearts and minds of countless individuals are the Strength Profile (https://www.strengthsprofile.com/) and the Values in Action Survey (VIA) (https://www.viacharacter.org/) or Signature Strengths Assessment. These tools provide invaluable insights into our character and pave the way for personal development by highlighting our unique qualities. Through these assessments, we gain a deeper understanding of ourselves, allowing us to navigate life’s challenges with unwavering determination.
However, one positive psychology assessment stands out amongst all others – the GRIT scale (https://angeladuckworth.com/grit-scale/). This assessment holds particular significance for those who possess an innate desire to push past their comfort zones and emerge as finishers rather than mere starters. The GRIT scale measures one’s perseverance and passion for long-term goals – a testament to their commitment to achieving greatness. Through this assessment, we uncover our grit score, which is a powerful indicator of our unwavering dedication.
The beauty of these positive psychology assessments lies in their ability to empower individuals and showcase how our strengths have shaped us into who we are today. When discussing these strengths with others, it is evident how they have played pivotal roles in accomplishing extraordinary feats in their lives thus far. The top five strengths identified through these assessments become beacons guiding us toward future success.
As an author dedicated to unraveling human potential, I offer various tools designed to harness the power within each individual. One such tool is “Me at My Best,” where we match our strengths with peak moments in our lives. Doing so gives us a profound understanding of how our strengths have propelled us to achieve greatness in the past, providing us the confidence to tackle future endeavors.
During phone consultations, I also encourage individuals to reflect on times when their strengths were instrumental in accomplishing goals or experiencing pivotal moments. This exercise serves as a reminder of the immense power we possess within ourselves and fuels our desire to unleash it once more.
Furthermore, I present the best possible self-exercise – a visualization of our future selves at our absolute peak. Through this exercise, we tap into our boundless potential and embark on a journey towards realizing our dreams. By envisioning our best selves, we create a roadmap toward success and inspire ourselves to take action with unwavering determination.
Assessments act as guiding beacons in the pursuit of personal growth and self-discovery. They empower individuals by shedding light on their core values and strengths while offering invaluable insights into their unique qualities. With tools like “Me at My Best” and exercises such as visualizing one’s best possible self, individuals are equipped with the tools to navigate life’s challenges with unyielding perseverance and unwavering determination.
Positive psychology assessments have the power to transform lives and unlock the true potential within each and every one of us. Together, let us embark on an adventure where personal growth knows no bounds – for within each assessment lies a treasure trove waiting to be unearthed by those brave enough to seek it out.
People do the assessment; what happens then?
They’re curious. They want to know what it means. They’ll say, well, is it okay if I have honesty at the top and social intelligence at the bottom? What does that mean?
What it does is it allows people first to own their strengths. So that’s what we talk about.
Some people immediately grab onto that and identify and own the fact that that is what they are going to use, and that is how they will make this particular situation work out as well as it possibly could.
I always scan for those five character strengths that are closely associated with happiness: Zest, Hope, Gratitude, Curiosity, and Love. If hope’s at the bottom, we talk about why. And we talk about what they believe will change their hopefulness if they accomplish some of their goals in coaching.
The Strength Profile gives us richer data. The Strength Profile divides it into realized strengths, unrealized strengths, learned behaviors, and weaknesses, which facilitates the debriefing with a client.
If you had a conversation, what would that be like? Is it feedback, or how do you start the conversation? What do you say or what happens?
I’ll say, what did you think? What did you think of your strengths? Did you think it was an accurate picture of who you are? Did you have any negative feelings about the assessment?
So we get into a discussion about, well, why do you think Zest was 19? Is that a score you want to bring up? And if so, how can you imagine yourself developing more enthusiasm for life?
That’s how it starts, and then it just takes off. It’s one of those natural discussions.
When debriefing the Strength Profile, I do a little bit of education of what the Strength Profile model is, with the four quadrants. The way that works is that you work to marshal your realized strengths, you want to maximize your unrealized strengths, you want to minimize your weaknesses, and you want to moderate your learned behaviors.
The printout gives you up to seven realized strengths, seven unrealized strengths, four learned behaviors, and three weaknesses. I’ll start and ask them, what do you notice first? See what comes up for them.
Now, some people say, I don’t know, there’s a lot of stuff here. And if they’re at that spot, then I’ll start directing them, and we’ll start, based on how much I know them, there may be something I might see that I’m interested in if they can’t come up with anything, I may start there.
If none of that happens, we’ll start with the realized strengths, and we’ll go through them, and help to get a sense for them of what they see that as, and helping them to define what that is, and then we talk about marshaling those strengths, do any of these strengths ever get you in trouble?
That’s what’s meant by marshaling strengths. You need to know when to use them and when not to use them. We’ll talk about those, then review the unrealized strengths and look at what those are. What’s significant about the unrealized strengths is they’re ones that you’re good at, that you gain energy from, that you get real stoked when you do them, but you don’t use them as much.
So we’ll go from the unrealized strengths, and again, if they have a preference, I’ll usually let them make the choice. Where do you want to go next? We’ll go through the forum; we’ll see how they interact. When it’s the most powerful, the insights we come to during that debrief will resurface throughout the coaching. We’ll say, how is your strength of relationship deepening helping you here? How is your strength of drive and detail? What’s that doing for you right now? And it becomes a framework and a lexicon of our coaching, so we know what we’re talking about.
What about positive interventions?
Positive interventions come up in the context of people wanting to increase their flourishing. And what they might find particularly interesting, I might introduce a few positive interventions.
We start with signature strengths; that’s a positive intervention. People love knowing their strengths. They love discussing using them more creatively or pairing them with one another.
I’ve had clients start blogs as part of a positive intervention, to be heard, to have a voice, to make a statement.
Exercise. I feel very passionate about exercise for all kinds of reasons. The mere fact that it’s correlated with chemical changes in the body makes you think more clearly and feel better.
Resilience. Sometimes, we talk about the ABCDE model, which we do on the phone. Then, they scan their environment to challenge their rational thinking patterns. So that’s something that comes up a lot.
Gratitude. The gratitude interventions. They’re just so easy to do.
Three good things usually come up a lot. People quite often end up running with some form of it. They’ll do three good things and then do a gratitude journal or pick some of the Random Acts of Kindness and perform those as altruistic or gratitude interventions. So altruism is another intervention that comes up with people who may have that very low gratitude.
We discuss whether or not it’s a good fit. I don’t want them to adopt a goal or a Positive Intervention just because I thought it was a good idea or I was enthusiastic about it. It must match who they are and what they’re trying to do.
For example, an introvert may not love to join a team sport. So we discuss whether or not they want to do this and why. Then how will they carry it out, and why do they think that particular intervention would be useful to them? Why does meditation sound like such a good idea for you? Do you need more mindfulness in your life? If so, can you give me examples of times in which not being mindful caused problems for you? Or gratitude. If gratitude is number 24, they can usually think of a lot of opportunities they’ve missed to actually say thank you to people.
Then, in the next session or emails between the sessions, people will report on what they’ve done and how they’ve used it.
But they must walk away from the session not feeling like it’s something they’re doing because I think it’s a good idea. There is good research on the positive intervention person fit. That’s very unique and very subjective. So sometimes, we try a few of them to see what sticks.
The discussion afterward, what’s that like?
Did you do it? How did it go?
One of the core coach competencies is holding people accountable.
That’s basically how it goes. I’ll ask how it went.
If they say no, we talk about, well, is it still something you want to try to pursue? Did something get in the way? Is there something appealing to you more that you’d rather try?
Most coaches try not to ask why questions. But we can get into a discussion, for example, if it’s someone with a low Grit score who doesn’t always follow through with things, it might be an early red flag that it’s going to be another kind of experience where they don’t quite get to the finish line.
So it’s important to start to spot things. I generally do some form of follow-up.
What happens if you see the red flag? How do you help the person?
I call them on it. As a coach, you can’t always play it safe. You must take risks and be bold with people because they seek results.
They know I will point out themes I see. If you can work with someone over time, you get to know them. You get to know their themes, patterns, things that hold them back, and phrases they use when they are getting scared. That’s the beauty of a continuous set of sessions with somebody.
There’s an elephant in the living room; we’ve got to talk about it. Because if I don’t, somebody else will do it, and maybe not in a supportive setting.
Are you supportive, or challenging, or both?
I’m both. I’m supportive and challenging. That’s the Center for Creative Leadership (https://www.ccl.org/) Coaching Model: Assessment, Challenge, and Support.
You have to establish trust and intimacy. In motivational interviewing, when the addict believes that the counselor believes that they will recover, they tend to recover more often. So I’m looking for that bond.
I want to be the “supportive other” in their environment to help them build their self-efficacy. So it’s a fine line. You want to be supportive, but you also want to push them out of their comfort zone.
Going out of your comfort zone, you actually attain self-esteem. There’s no shortcut to self-esteem. You don’t get it by getting a trophy for being on a soccer team. That’s not it. And you can’t do these affirmations. I’m a big believer in going out of your comfort zone.
And you have to challenge somebody to do it. They wouldn’t be on the phone with you if they could do it themselves.
You support for change and you support for challenge. Or you challenge for action.
That is one of these processes where you have to be able to read the client. Timing is everything. So I’m always supportive, but sometimes you want to be supportive with love. It’s like a baby bird has to leave the nest.
There are times when you have to be slightly uncomfortable to attain mastery. We’re all striving for mastery. We are driven to have mastery experiences. And those mastery experiences build self-efficacy, which contributes to flourishing and impacts all success in life. So you’ve got to start there with mastery experiences. And you don’t have them unless you’re willing to take risks to have them.
What about knowledge sharing?
With the client’s permission. It’s not a class. I’m not teaching. But if there is a question about “where can I learn more about this, or can you tell me more about self-determination, or why building mastery can contribute to” – of course, they aren’t using all these technical words, but in language that could be more day-to-day, a lot of clients will want to know what’s beneath it, what’s the theory, is there a theory?
People want to know why. So, with their permission, I will occasionally share relevant information that could be part of their assignment or assignments to read.
How do you work with people in executive coaching? What do you do? If I was an executive and I wanted coaching, what would happen?
There’s a process by which the engagement begins. Someone within the organization will come, the person who wants the coaching themselves or someone within the organization designated as the person to initiate it.
The first thing we need to do is set up a contract for what we will do. What will be the length of the engagement, the logistics of how the engagement will play out, and what will we get paid?
Once we get that settled, the coachee and coach will meet and discuss what they’re looking for in coaching.
When you’re in an organization, one of the things you have to be careful about and be aware of is that the coachee may have a set of goals, and the organization has a set of goals. There are three people or entities involved in the situation. At the beginning of an engagement, the client will always develop goals.
Our goal for the initial part of the engagement is to come up with what we will work on. We’ll have public goals that we’ll share with the organization, usually the individual’s boss or whoever in the organization needs to get it. Then we’ll have our private goals, which are just between the coach and the coachee, and the organization doesn’t know what that is because sometimes we want to talk about the boss.
The process of doing that is to do assessments. We need to understand who the person is and the environment in which they live. So, the coach will do individual assessments and also 360s. If the organization has a 360, the coach will use theirs. But the coach may also do a qualitative 360 where they will interview the boss, some direct reports, and some peers to get a feel for how the people view the individual coachee.
A qualitative interview can adapt the “Reflected Best Self Exercise” (https://reflectedbestselfexercise.com) from the Center for Positive Organizational Scholarship (https://positiveorgs.bus.umich.edu).
Reflected Best Self is one where they say, “Tell me three times that you’ve seen this individual at their best and tell me a story about that.” In these interviews, the coach will ask two questions; one is, “Tell me three stories about when you’ve seen this individual at their best.” And they’ll say, “Tell me three things that you would like to see this person do more of.”
The coach will maintain it in that positive realm because it’s strengths-based.
We come from a strengths-based perspective. We build on our strengths, learn how to use our strengths, and move on from there.
When does this happen? Is that before the first session?
Before we start. In the initial session, we will sit with the coachee and say, “tell me why you’re here,” and they’ll tell us. And we have a dialogue back and forth to get a sense of what’s going on.
Your coach will explain how they’d like to proceed from here. Then we make our verbal coaching agreement because we’ve already signed the formal one before the meeting, as to how we will proceed regarding confidentiality, what they expect from the coach, what the coach expects from them, et cetera.
Then we proceed pretty much, so the first phase is an assessment phase. The coach is getting to know who they are, what’s going on for them, what they need, and their goals.
Clients often fill out a form before the first session that lists their 90-day, one-year, and five to ten-year goals.
We prompt them by saying that people usually overestimate their 90-day goals and underestimate their five to ten-year goals. We can use that as a starting point to begin to craft what our mission for the coaching engagement will be. Depending on how that plays out, we will take the input from the qualitative 360 that we’ll do.
In that initial session, we’ll also come up with people they would like the coach to interview. We rely on them. Sometimes, the people who have engaged us have some people they want us to interview, so we’ll do that as well. And that becomes part of the assessment process.
What happens from then on?
That may take six or seven sessions. A normal engagement is 24 hours of coaching, about six months. Sometimes, with an executive, it’s hard to get in four times a month, four hours a month, so we can go out for eight or nine months.
While gathering data, we have that initial set of goals we’re working on, refining those goals, and working on those goals. We come to a point where we formalize those goals into a written statement of what the goals are, the logistics of how we plan to achieve them, and who will be involved in it.
Then, we’ll have an alignment meeting with the individual’s boss and get them signed on with it so they know what we’re working on. These are the public goals, not private ones. And get their buy-in.
Once we do that, we go back, and we go about our business of moving on with the coaching.
How do you do that? Is it anything typical, any process that you’re following?
The coach will follow the client’s lead and their agenda. Once we have that framework, that’s the basis on which we utilize those resources to work with the client’s agenda.
If you came in and just observed a coaching session, we could be hanging out very relaxed. We don’t get in people’s faces. We have a way of challenging people.
So the coach will confront them and challenge them on things that are part of what we’re doing, but do it in such a way that they feel respected and valued in doing that.
We may have another alignment or progress meeting with their boss along the way. Then there are occasions when the issues that were going on within are related to somebody else, maybe one of their direct reports, or maybe a colleague. We may bring them in for one of the sessions and have a three-way or a four-way, depending on what it may be.
Sometimes, a coach may go in and observe their coachee in a meeting, kind of sit like a fly on the wall in the back, watch what goes on so they can gather more information, and maybe have grist for the mill to talk about. And that proceeds on.
As we come to the close of the engagement, we have a decision point. Have we achieved the goals that we’ve worked on? Are there other goals that have emerged during the engagement? Are there other goals that want to be worked on?
At that point, we will decide whether we want to extend the engagement or not. Often they do, and sometimes they don’t. It often has to do with where they are with it and the financial arrangements with the organization.
Then, we have a closing meeting with the direct individual, the boss. We’ll do that to see where we are and update that. Then, we close out the engagement. The coach might have a final assessment review with the client to see what they got from the coaching and whether it benefited and helped them.
Do you do something to make the clients stay engaged in working towards their goals when you’re not there?
I use a coaching focus form. I encourage them to complete that before each session. This form is an outgrowth of the goals sheets that we start with. On this coaching focus form, I ask, “What have you accomplished since we met last? What kinds of things are holding you back? What things are you looking to exploit? What opportunities are you looking to work towards, and how do you want to use the session?”
We have a framework open to help them formulate their agenda so that we are moving toward something.
We have that kind of structure we can mark along the way and revisit those goal sheets periodically. Depending on the individual, we may do it each session or every other session, but that’s like the template that we have. I always have it in front of me when we’re coaching. If something happens, we may be going far afield, and they say, how about this? How is that related to our goals? If it’s not, do we want to continue pursuing it? Do we want to create a new goal, or is it just an aside?
I have the 90-day goals, the one-year goals, and the five to ten-year goals, or if I created a coaching agreement in an organization, we have our public and private goals.
In corporate coaching, we do a wrap-up with the boss with whom we did that initial coaching agreement to see where we progress toward those goals.
How can you tell people are progressing?
People return from one session to another and talk about what they did and what happened. They make a plan and then encounter a situation where they react or intentionally act differently and try something different. They do practices and observe what is changing, and when they return, they talk about what they have achieved.
The two broadly defined indicators are, “Are you progressing toward your goal, and is your wellbeing moving up as you do?”
People come to coaching to get results. Even if the goals are not clearly established initially, people mostly know what they want to be different. So, the initial phase is to put out the goals they will aim for, and that has a certain structure to it that will make it possible to follow and monitor progress and celebrate the wins along the way.
On a more formal note, we have end-of-session evaluations, and more elaborate progress evaluation procedures are possible to establish, depending on the needs of the client and their organization.
What makes change possible? What are some of the effective factors or mechanisms?
In coaching, people slow down and look at what they need, what the situation is, and their vision of their best future. Generally, there is a gap between the desired future and the present situation, which creates the motivation to change and also triggers the drive to change.
When there is a gap that pulls you forward toward such a future vision, and you begin to marshal your resources, make concrete action plans, put out implementation intentions, and start to take action, your positive capacities will get activated and begin to shape your outcomes. Your self-efficacy and hope will fuel your motivation and direct your attention. Your agency will get more potent, and your intentions will sharpen.
You will notice your thinking, “I can do something about this. I have been successful before. I have strengths that I can bring to the task and use more of. I can look at things differently, optimistically, constructively. I can look at what is possible rather than get disempowered by what is not possible. I can find new tools, new ways of approaching my goals. I can do this.”
Movements in thought create movements in external action and the other way around. In other words, you change your world by changing yourself, and you change yourself by changing your world.
As you do this, as you try new ideas, new tools, and new actions, you will fail.
And now you have a choice, leave it at that and have failed since “nothing really changes, and I can’t really change.” And sometimes, that might be the attitude that gets you the most points, but it sure is not the one that gets you the positive growth you are capable of.
What about taking this as a learning experience rather than as a performance? You can take any new action as an experiment, practice the action, observe, draw conclusions, adjust if necessary, and do it again. See what works, what gets results, adapt, and move on. Know what is relevant and not relevant, what is practically achievable, and what is unrealistically assumed and expected. Look for what makes a difference and what is inconsequential.
Start doing things, and stop doing things. Learn what it means to be flexible and adaptable. Integrate what is useful, appreciate what is good, savor what is nurturing, share what is valuable, act and interact with purpose.